yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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