i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
