Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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