I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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