when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
