I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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