Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
