i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There's even glitter on my cock...
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