i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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