lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
His hands were made for my vagina.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
