im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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