i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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