Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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