it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We're too hungover to prance.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
