My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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