nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Are we still banned from the library?
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I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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