I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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