If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize