seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
