Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
