Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
