hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
