He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
