There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
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Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
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And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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