is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
