I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
