He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
