So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We just shotgunned beers for America
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
