got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
