i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
