Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
