I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
