Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
