I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
