Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize