He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Found the puke drawer
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
