yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
