beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
