ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
