I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
