dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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