I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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