The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
