No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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