Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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