Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
