I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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