it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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