I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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