I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
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im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.