You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize