found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?