tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
