Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He passed out mid-signature
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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