im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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