He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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