i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
