there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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